Finished off the mountain bike season on Sunday with the Provincials race. It was, as far as races go, not great. As far as rides go, it wasn't bad. Pre-riding on Saturday was pretty awful due to a variety of reasons, most of which were mental. Hell, I was mental! I was feeling pretty tentative about the idea of racing the next day, but I stubbornly didn't want to end the season on such a bad ride.
Sunday was wet and rainy in the morning, and I basically got dropped like a bad habit on all of the sections that were freaking me out in the pre-ride. Sometimes racing gets me in the right mindset to try things I didn't before... this was not one of those times! I hated it. I was slow. I couldn't ride anything remotely technical. I was worried about crashing. I contemplated quitting.
The problem with quitting was that I have never quit a race in my life (yet I have come last many times before). I have one DNF in my racing history (I was dropped and pulled from a crit this year), and I would probably regret racking up a second one. Besides, my entire first 'cross season, as well as most of the second, were all about being DFL, often getting lapped in the process... but I wasn't out there because I thought I could win - I did it because it was fun, I was improving, and I was always learning to do new things. To me, there's no shame in being last, but there is shame in quitting for no real reason (ie. injury or mechanical).
After I decided that I didn't really want to quit, I turned my ride around. I just relaxed, and decided that since I was already DFL, I may as well make the best of it. I rode what I could, and I focused on doing everything as best I could. Wasn't that the whole purpose of learning to mountain bike this summer, anyway? There were still sections I didn't ride, but I just didn't stress about it. I'm learning, and I'll learn to stay confident and ride those sections sooner or later.
The race does make me question if I'm ready to upgrade to Senior Expert, but I guess I have all winter to make a decision on that one...
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